A Moment of Panic

You know how in romantic comedies women either trash everything of their exes right away or hoards it? I’m a bit of a hoarder. I keep things but I also hide it away so that I don’t always see it and when I’m ready I’ll trash it. My friends were adamant that I trash all of it. Delete his texts, delete his number, delete his photos, burn every reminder of him, etc. At the time of writing, it’s been 3 months since Matt and I broke up and I haven’t gotten rid of any of it. I’ve archived all the messages so that I don’t need to see it. The items he gave me are all hidden away in my closet but seeing it doesn’t bring up any feelings for me. That’s great. I’m moving on.

And then something awful happened earlier today. First, let me preface this by saying I injured my thumb while playing volleyball so thumb mobility is a little limited and somewhat painful. That is my excuse for what happened…

I was texting my friend over WhatsApp (probably overexerting my thumb) and then I went to the contacts section. I don’t even know what I was doing, I think I was trying to get back to the chats section but because of my injured thumb I misjudged where it was landing and accidentally hit Matt’s number. It took exactly one ring before I realized who my phone was dialing. I pressed end call about a zillion times while swearing, shrieked, and tossed my phone like it was on fire as I begged the being above that the single ring did not register on his end.

And then I ran away from my phone. I literally tossed my phone and ran out of the room. For the next 45 minutes I treated my phone like a poltergeist and hid from it. I couldn’t even be in the same room with it. I tried to think of excuses in case he called back to ask why I called. I couldn’t say I butt dialed. Do smartphones even butt dial?? And I have a wallet cover to avoid accidents like butt dials. What’s lamer? The butt dial or the drunk dial? I’m straight edge so I can’t even claim to have drunk dialed!

When I finally got up the nerve to check my phone, he had texted an cartoon image saying hi. I said hi and apologized for accidentally dialing his number. He texted back the “ok” emoji. And right there, that was a reminder of one of the reasons I didn’t want to be with him. He didn’t seem to care enough to WRITE a fucking text to say hi even when we were dating. He always tried to be cute by using pre-made images. Ugh, I hope he doesn’t think I’m trying to get back with him. When my friend asked if I wanted that to happen a while ago I said, “Hell no! Please slap me if I ever say I do want to get back with him.” I may miss having a guy around but I do not want to be with him.

Now I understand why people say you should delete your ex from your phone.


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